feeling a bit unappreciated

well...i can officially say that my other blog is 100% open to too many people.

i got done working on a project for a friend...i was tired...and as i rambled about photoshopping this picture the words i choose to use ended up offending the friend who took the picture.

rather than emailing me or calling me...he left a public comment on my page making it known i had in fact insulted him.

without getting into too much i just wanted to say...it was an honest misunderstanding...

he said a third party had read it and that was why he even read the blog..(even though i have been blogging about all sorts of things in my life that are way more important)

i don't know who the third party was....don't really care...

used to love that people from every area of my life read my blogs...but you know..this whole ordeal is leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

i was already feeling really stung by this friend...well...actually...a joint friend...well actually...his girlfriend...who is one of my closest friends...

i wanted to help him out with those pictures...but the hours i put into them seemed lost. i showed them the work i had done and they were stoked

but then when THE picture somehow got left off the disk i got a call from my friend (not the photographer) asking me in a hurried way to bring my laptop into work so they could get a copy of that picture....

i asked if i could just email the picture to him...but she told me she didn't know his email address off the top of her head....

this is her boyfriend.

so rather than make a big deal of it i say sure and pack up my laptop to bring into work...

it was a concert day and so i parked way far away....walking without holding anything that far brings on pressure on my cervix all on its own...so i stopped by wildhorse and dropped off the laptop..then parked...then walked to work...during my walk to work i had the scariest contraction of either of my pregnancies....i had to stop and breath through it and wondered if it would ever stop....i almost called joel to come get me...then remembered i had to have 6 like that one to be concerned...so i vowed i wouldn't overdo that day. all my thoughts were suddenly on evie...i was to be honest scared to death.

i thought...i've done a lot of favors in terms of driving her where she needs to go...doing little things...like bringing my laptop in so she can save the picture...i'll ask her to help me get to my car tonight....she is one of my best friends...i'm sure she will understand.

when i walked in the door of the production bay i saw her and she didn't say hello. so i did...she said hey as she walked by me...i knew there were things going on...but it just felt like such a cold hello i wondered if she was upset with me. later on she warmed up and we talked a bit and i let it all go as just an odd thing...

so i asked her upfront after telling her about the contraction if she would help me get my laptop to my car. i asked if we could walk up together if she would mind driving me back to pick up my stuff and then back to my car (we are parked by each other) she rolled her eyes and laughed at me and said "i'll just carry your stuff"

well i didn't ask her that because it is heavy and i thought it would be ruder to ask that of her...but if she didn't mind...that would be cool too...

so long story short at the end of a VERY hard day (on me) we are all going to leave and i bring up asking for a ride to my car...because her boyfriend (the guy who took the picture) had come and was parked close...so i thought it was a better solution for her AND for me...

and she kept trying to come up with other ways for me to get to my car...asking other people to do it...wouldn't look at me...somehow it seemed like it would be okay..... and then she got a text and told me i would have to hang out for a bit because her guy had a beer waiting for her at the bar.

i said nevermind and left hauling my laptop purse water bottle and bag of fruit for joel up the hill all those blocks wondering why people keep telling me to think of evie and not overdo anything for her sake...and then shit like this happens.

they had a picture on the line so i did them favors....

i had my child on the line...

it was asking too much. not very long ago i helped her to haul to end tables to her old apartment after work at like 1am just because she is my friend...she kept asking me if it was okay and saying how bad she felt...but i told her that is what friends do...don't worry about it...

then i need her and feel rude for even asking....so yeah...i was feeling a bit stung by that whole day....

so then...i get a call a few days later...right before i go to bed asking me to photoshop on the picture again to make it how the people wanted it...

so i stay up for hours working on it for him...so he can have it asap...

and i write one line in a blog and suddenly i'm getting emailed (in response to one i sent) about how bad it made him feel as the photographer...

well it took all i had not to tell him how he and his girlfriend have made me feel as their friend.

not very appreciated for what i have tried to do for them out of friendship. beyond this one favor..this one moment.... you know when i was in the hospital...i called my friend (the girl) a bunch of times and she never did answer...i was calling to tell her i couldn't come into work and why...left messages...but truthfully...part of me just really wanted to talk to her..i was scared...bleeding...possibly losing my baby...and she never did call...for days....

when we finally talked she had called to asked me a hurried lighting question...

in the middle of it i got a "oh and by the way...how are you feeling?" without going into details i said "okay" and that was it...we never talked about any of it until i got back to work. i knew how busy she was with everything landing on her...i got that...i didn't even hold it against her....but a phone call just one...just to see genuinely what was going on...would have meant everything to me.

so i wanted to get it all out...can't seem to type even the simplest of things on my other blog....so here i am...