so awhile back i posted a blog sharing a concern about my son that i was too afraid to share with too many people.

well my concern has now been mirrored by CJs doctor.

i'm so frusterated in that i should have made more of a fuss when i started to really worry. CJ could long ago have started therapy and screenings making things easier for him.

i held it in because i felt i got "your over-reacting" reactions from my parents and joel. of course, joel has changed so much since then i am mad at myself for not talking to him again since then. my parents opinions shouldn't have made a difference either...but it did.

well. we will see how his screenings go...and time will reveal what needs to be done. i'm not pretending that any of it is set in stone...but i don't want to go on trying to convince myself that he doesn't have a problem at all.

i also don't want to feel like i need to convince anyone else that a problem exists. which is how i feel when people try and be helpful by telling me he is probably fine...or that the problem is no big deal.

its a big deal to me.

when you have a baby and you are holding your child...you have certain hopes and desires for your kid and most of the time it doesn't include therapy or any other hurdles.

its a hard reality to face and even harder at this stage when you just don't know what is going on other than "something isn't right"

on top of it all...hours are scarce at work and i am stressed about my status being held. i plan on calling in today and getting some edays added to my past two weeks so i don't run the risk of losing my insurance. we need it more now than ever.